All Growed Up

There is something incredibly freeing about being 50. There is a self-awareness that was never there before. I have learned to pay attention to the things around me, and I see reality with a clarity that never before existed. I believe this clarity comes from the Holy Spirit living in me and giving me discernment. It is an amazing place to exist! Where I used to cower in fear, I now boldly walk with my head held high and in a confidence that comes from wisdom and understanding. In other words, Jesus leads and I follow. Pretty simple, huh? Yeah, right!

We all know there is nothing simple about it. But when I am truthful with myself, I realize that it really is a simple principle ~ follow Christ blindly and He will give me sight.

I think I like being old...

It's Been a Long, Dark Winter

Yes, I know it's the middle of July. But for me it's early spring. I'm finally coming out of the long dark season that has held me captive. Reawakening and seeing all things as new once again. God is so faithful that way. He holds us in the palm of His hand and is always ready to teach. He waits patiently for us to receive.

I am once again ready to learn.

It's fascinating that as soon as we look, we see the opportunities God has placed in front of us. I believe He always has a multitude of possibilities waiting for us. It is up to us to look for them. Just as Jesus said, "He who seeks will find." Amen!

A theme has been threading it's way through my head for several weeks. I have let the stresses of my everyday life accumulate until that is what is pouring out from me. We are to live and serve from the overflow of our hearts. Unfortunately, the overflow for most women is not love, but obligation and stress. So the result is not an outpouring of love, but of anger and resentment. This is where I have been living for over 2 years.

As I said, I am once again ready to learn. And live.

What You Think of Me is None of My Business!

Excellent phrase to live by. As this endless struggle called living limps along, I try to keep my eyes focused up, on my Creator and not on myself. Difficult to be sure. But possible . . . At least I think it's possible. But honestly, confidence eludes me and I spend far too many hours worrying about impressing people instead of the King of Kings. And it paralyzes me every time.

God's mercies are brand new each and every morning. May I learn to appreciate them all --moment by moment.

This title is a line I got from an excellent book "In the Sanctuary of Outcasts" by Neil White. I will be writing more about it in the weeks to come, and I'm excited about the new insights that are coming.

Another New Beginning

I find myself in a quandary. My life as an artist has been difficult. Surrounded by those who are not like me, it is inevitable that I would be misunderstood at some point. Living with those who are commanded to "judge not," I find myself judged regularly. Wanting mostly to please God, my motives are dissected and questioned on a regular basis. I have been found guilty and lacking in the eyes of men. I have been attacked and I have been abused. I suppose some times it is justified; often times it is not.


The sum of who I am today is derived from the roads I have walked. As an actress and a writer, there is no way to separate myself today from what I have walked through yesterday. And herein lies the quandary: how do I express myself artistically, yet anonymously? There are those who do not understand my need to express myself, and any hint of personal experience results in anger. Yet as an artist, this is my essence, the core of who I am. And just because you are reading what I have written, how can you assume what I write is about you?

Perhaps as I mature I will come to that place of confident art. Until then, I beg forgiveness.